Since becoming a mom 8 years ago, I have to say this is no longer the case. Like any mother, I keep a big master calendar with everything I need to know for the week/month. Our calendar is full of all the typical things from appointments/playdates/school events/birthdays/parties you name it. If it isn't listed on the calendar, I probably will not remember.
We are coming into another "birthday party season" as I like to call it. Always seems that no matter what birthdays always seem to come in clusters throughout the year. This past Saturday my friend's son was turning 2, and the party was to be held in one of the big local gym/play areas. My kids were so excited. I got up Saturday morning full of energy. I ran my errands, I started my laundry, I did my daily chores, all the while looking at the clock for it to be 3. I just happened to double check my calendar only to realize that I had looked at the time of the following Saturday's birthday party and this particular party was at 1:30. It was 2:15. I texted my friend, we all piled into the car, and arrived an entire hour late.
I beat myself up over this for the rest of the day. My husband told me not to be so hard on myself. He said, "People make mistakes, Martina, it's not a big deal." Why was it such a big deal to me?
From the time I was a little girl, I have always been a people pleaser, a perfectionist, my own worse enemy essentially. Even at the age of 5 my mom would tell you that I was upset with myself because I didn't have addition/subtraction down perfectly. I remember always being upset if I didn't have all the A's. Upset if my parents weren't happy with me. Upset if things weren't perfect. If I wasn't perfect. Now that I am quickly approaching 40, this is something I am doing a little bit better about, but it is still a struggle.
When I have these days that I feel this way I say to myself "how can a typically positive person feel so negative". I am realizing though that even positive people have bad days, and that it doesn't mean tomorrow will be bad too or that my life is bad. Everyone makes mistakes.
As moms though (whether we are at home, work full time, work part time, etc) I feel like we are the ones who have to hold it all together. That is so hard to do no matter what your working situation is. There is so much pressure to be the perfect mom. I think this is pressure we all put on ourselves. I find myself feeling guilty sometimes if I didn't get all of my laundry done, if the kids' bedrooms don't look perfect when friends visit, if the cupcakes I made for the bake sale weren't made from scratch... You get the idea. I think we all can come together and relate to the guilt. How do we give it up?
I always thought of my mom as the perfect mom. She was a nurse, and she managed to keep her career (part time) but be available to my sister and I anytime we needed her. She made us clothes, cooked us "from scratch" dinners, etc. I never appreciated it all as much as I do now that I am a mom and I try to remember to tell her as often as I can how thankful I am for her and for influence. I mentioned once thinking she was the perfect mom, and she just laughed. She definitely didn't think this of herself. It was then that I realized that the most important thing is to just do the best we can, and if we do it out of love, those are the memories the kids will have. At least that's all I can hope. Also everyday it is part of my daily prayer for wisdom& patience. I have to hang up my "perfect" ideas, let go of the guilt, and remember again that bad days are just bad days not a bad life or an excuse to throw in the towel.
Do you struggle with mom guilt? How do you balance it all? Would love to read your comments.
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