Even positive people have bad days& coming to peace with mom guilt.

When I was younger, I remembered pretty much anything and everything. My mind was a sponge. I could remember friend's birthdays without writing them down. There wasn't as much "clutter" in my mind or for that matter in my house.

Since becoming a mom 8 years ago, I have to say this is no longer the case. Like any mother, I keep a big master calendar with everything I need to know for the week/month. Our calendar is full of all the typical things from appointments/playdates/school events/birthdays/parties you name it. If it isn't listed on the calendar, I probably will not remember.

We are coming into another "birthday party season" as I like to call it. Always seems that no matter what  birthdays always seem to come in clusters throughout the year. This past Saturday my friend's son was turning 2, and the party was to be held in one of the big local gym/play areas. My kids were so excited. I got up Saturday morning full of energy. I ran my errands, I started my laundry, I did my daily chores, all the while looking at the clock for it to be 3. I just happened to double check my calendar only to realize that I had looked at the time of the following Saturday's birthday party and this particular party was at 1:30. It was 2:15. I texted my friend, we all piled into the car, and arrived an entire hour late. 

I beat myself up over this for the rest of the day. My husband told me not to be so hard on myself. He said, "People make mistakes, Martina, it's not a big deal." Why was it such a big deal to me?

From the time I was a little girl, I have always been a people pleaser, a perfectionist, my own worse enemy essentially. Even at the age of 5 my mom would tell you that I was upset with myself because I didn't have addition/subtraction down perfectly. I remember always being upset if I didn't have all the A's. Upset if my parents weren't happy with me. Upset if things weren't perfect. If I wasn't perfect.  Now that I am quickly approaching 40, this is something I am doing a little bit better about, but it is still a struggle.

When I have these days that I feel this way I say to myself "how can a typically positive person feel so negative". I am realizing though that even positive people have bad days, and that it doesn't mean tomorrow will be bad too or that my life is bad. Everyone makes mistakes.

As moms though (whether we are at home, work full time, work part time, etc) I feel like we are the ones who have to hold it all together. That is so hard to do no matter what your working situation is. There is so much pressure to be the perfect mom. I think this is pressure we all put on ourselves. I find myself feeling guilty sometimes if I didn't get all of my laundry done, if the kids' bedrooms don't look perfect when friends visit,  if the cupcakes I made for the bake sale weren't made from scratch... You get the idea. I think we all can come together and relate to the guilt. How do we give it up? 

I always thought of my mom as the perfect mom. She was a nurse, and she managed to keep her career (part time) but be available to my sister and I anytime we needed her. She made us clothes, cooked us "from scratch" dinners, etc. I never appreciated it all as much as I do now that I am a mom and I try to remember to tell her as often as I can how thankful I am for her and for influence. I mentioned once thinking she was the perfect mom, and she just laughed. She definitely didn't think this of herself. It was then that I realized that the most important thing is to just do the best we can, and if we do it out of love, those are the memories the kids will have. At least that's all I can hope. Also everyday it is part of my daily prayer for wisdom& patience. I have to hang up my "perfect" ideas, let go of the guilt, and remember again that bad days are just bad days not a bad life or an excuse to throw in the towel.

Do you struggle with mom guilt? How do you balance it all? Would love to read your comments.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is less than a week away. For some this is a holiday that fills them with delight, while for others it's a day they dread.

Funny, my husband and I actually had our very first date on Valentine's day. I had known my husband 2 years prior to our first date. He had been one of my good friends. I used to hang out with him and vent about the guys I was dating, and he would listen (like a good friend does) and just tell me that I was choosing the wrong ones. I think I am like any girl when I tell you that I had that "bad boy" phase of my life. I always thought that I could "fix" someone. That was only fun for so long, and I started to see something different in my friend Jason.

One night he challenged me to go on a date with him. I kind of laughed about it at first, but then before I knew it there we were in the Applebee's in Bloomsburg, PA (our college town) on our first date. The surprising thing was that it wasn't awkward at all.

I remember the first time I went "home" with him to meet his mother, and I was amazed at the way he treated her. It was different than what I had seen before, and I have to say he was "different" than anyone else I had ever met. We were together through the rest of college. Then graduation came in 2000, and I stayed on to go to graduate school while he moved back home to work in the city. I didn't know how we would do it, but we did. It definitely wasn't always easy. In 2002 we were married. So hard to believe that we will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary.

I am no expert on marriage. I only can tell you what I know from my own experience.
I love Valentine's day, but its one day a year. I never expect anything amazing. What amazes me is the way that I am treated everyday. It's easy to "feel in love" when you are dating. You don't have the demands of finances, kids, real world stress (at least we didn't when we dated, I do realize everyone's situation is a little different).

There are so many different forms of love.
My girls love the Disney Fairy Tale movies. Their favorites right now are "Tangled" and of course "Frozen". I always loved the princesses and these stories as well. What little girl doesn't? Life certainly isn't a fairy tale.

Love is easy some days, and some days it is work. I am happy that I am married to my friend and that we had that basis first, because it's helped us through some rough times. Also, what has mattered is our faith. God can certainly do anything. The pastor that married us said that if both partners were moving toward God they would be moving towards one another. I know not everyone has faith, or finds this helpful, but it's something that has always helped us.

Love is not a fairy tale, life is hard.
I think other helpful advise we received when we got married was to be a team daily. It's not a competition about who had the worst day, who slept less, who is the most stressed...but about how we can handle it all together. I do hope that everyone has a very Happy Valentine's day, but just remember...its one day.

To those of you who are married, what is the best marriage advise you ever received? Please feel free to share in comments section! Would love to hear from you.

The journey to this blog, and thank you for reading!

The world is full of blogs and bloggers. There are even tv shows about blogs. One of my children's favorite ones is "Dog with a blog" on the Disney Channel. So if a dog has a blog, why can't I? Thanks for joining me on my journey to "blog". I do not claim to be an expert writer. My posts will not be perfect. So that bubble is now burst! ;)

In August 2008 I became a mom for the second time. Up until that time I had continued to work, but after much talk and prayer, I felt that I was meant to be a full time mom. I had no idea how this could possibly work. It was both exciting and scary. We live in New Jersey where the cost of living is very high. 

In 2009, I was introduced to the first blog I ever read. It was a "freebie" blog. It was wonderful because it helped me become a little more savvy with my money. I started to coupon, and to take advantage of any freebies that companies would offer. This was especially helpful on baby products/food items. One day when I logged on to the site I saw something about entering sweepstakes. I knew nothing about sweepstakes. I had never won anything, and really thought it was something that happened for other people. 

I tried my hand at my first sweepstakes or "sweeps" as the "professionals" call it, and was surprised to win my first prize (a candy bar). I was jumping up and down. I told my husband, and he said "that's nice...a candy bar". It was nothing big for sure, but my philosophy has always been that "every little bit helps".

In late 2010, I started seeing posts about people entering twitter contests. I had no idea what twitter was. I logged on, and had an intense headache. It was so overwhelming. I ended up connecting with some other moms there and they were all talking about twitter parties. I had no idea what a twitter party was, but heard that the odds here were better than in other "sweeps". I was terrible at first, but eventually started winning. I won some nice things from gift cards, to coupons, to toys, to clothing items, and all kinds of little things. At first it was exciting to win anything. After doing it for a while though, I limited my time to the things we truly needed. I am so grateful for the items that I won. It really helped us through some otherwise difficult times.

By early 2012 I was thinking about my return to the work force. And of course it was then that we found out we were expecting. It threw us for a loop, but we were so excited to become parents again. That pregnancy was not meant to be. I was crushed when we went in for the ultrasound and there was no longer a heartbeat. I had some very down times, and it was amazing to have so much encouragement from both "real" and "virtual" friends. It was a miracle when just 3 months later we found out we were expecting again. I was excited and nervous, and that baby is now 9 months old. 

So it is now 2014, and I am still blessed to be home with my children (even though my older two are now in elementary school full time). I still enter contests on twitter when I can and try my hand at a few "sweeps". I still coupon, but now my goal is to break into the blogging community.

I am so excited for the connections and I have made and for those of you have already jumped on board. I appreciate every word of encouragement. This is something that I really have to do for myself. 

That brings me back to the question though of how did you get to the point where you are reading my blog? How do you save money? I look forward to exchanging tips together. I would love to see your comments.

Gratitude is a daily choice.

Throughout time, all kinds of books have been written on finding happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. What is happiness anyway? Happiness is temporary. Life is a roller coaster. No one can feel happy every minute of everyday, and if you do then you need to share your secrets with me! ;)

People look at me as a generally happy person though, and I am. Some people love that, and some people are annoyed by that I think. Misery loves company, and I refuse to let myself go down that path. Is it because I have nothing to be miserable about? The same things have come into my life as have in most of your cases. I once was told by someone on social media that I "live the good life". That made me laugh because it goes again to show that through social media we are often perceived in a different way than we might be in person. I am the same person behind this computer as you would find if you came to visit me here in New Jersey. What you get is what you see. I do live the good life, but it may be a different "good life" than what you think. I don't live in a fancy house, drive a fancy car, have tons of money in the bank, or live a life of luxury, but the things that I have and hold most precious are things money could never buy.

I believe it is imperative to keep life in perspective daily. I say daily, because as humans we are emotional beings, and things happen in our lives that could steal our joy. When I wake up each day, I do thank God for another day. I am here for some reason. At times I am not exactly sure what that reason is. For me right now though, my biggest reason is my three special blessings...my children. I have to be who I want to be and even more so, who I want them to be. They are ALWAYS watching me every minute of the day. I am one of the biggest influencers in their lives. It can be a lot of pressure when you think about it like that, but I look to God to give me daily wisdom and strength.

Okay now getting to gratitude..a few years ago a good friend told me to start each day by saying "thank you" when your feet hit the ground in the morning as you get out of bed. Sounds pretty corny to some, but I do this daily and it centers me.

We have had a really rough winter here in New Jersey as have had most of you in the United States. There has been so much snow. The kids have missed too many days of school that I honestly feel they will be going until July to make up for it. All my kids have been sick, and I feel like we continue to pass around the same gunk. We have visited our pediatrician more times this year than probably ever. My husband took a new position which has proved to be very challenging for our family. My husband's grandfather recently passed away almost exactly on the two year anniversary of my father in law's passing. Bad things have happened. Some days it would be easy to focus on this and get depressed. We all have things in our lives that are not ideal, and I get that. I was feeling pretty badly about some of this stuff the other day when I learned from a friend that one of the other moms in my daughter's class was just diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma which has spread to other organs, and it sure knocked me for a loop. At that point it was crystal clear to me that 1) I better start praying for this woman and her family and 2) I better stop feeling sorry about my own life. No matter how bad of a day I was having, it was NOTHING compared to thinking of not being here to see my children grow up (every mother's worst nightmare).

Perspective is everything isn't it? Most of the way we "feel" about the world is because of our own "view". How do we change that? For me, my faith of course is a huge part of it, but also....I think it's about counting our blessings DAILY! This is something I have tried to instill into my own children. Every Thursday morning at breakfast we do Thankful Thursday. I would love to be able to do this daily with them, but honestly some mornings are so crazy I just celebrate getting the girls to school on time and myself and the baby dressed and ready to see people at that time of day.

Take time to count your blessings, and you may realize that you also live "the good life" but maybe not in the same way that you had always wanted to. It's an instant mood booster I promise.

Here are a few quotes that I absolutely love:

1) It's not happiness that brings us gratitude. It's gratitude that brings us happiness. ANON.

2) Be thankful for what you have and you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have,  you will never, have enough. Oprah Winfrey.

3) Being happy doesn't mean you have it all, but that you are thankful for all you have!

There are so many more. I love positive life quotes, and usually share the ones that inspire me.
What are you grateful for today?

Welcome

Hello everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read my first post. I am so excited about this new adventure. If you are a twitter follower, I am the tweep formerly known as @martiferg. Why did I change my name? Several reasons, first because I wanted something linked to a blog. Second, because I wanted something meaningful. Third, kind of creepy having something so closely tied to my name.

I am a 30 something mom of 3 children. E who is 8, Ry who is 5, and baby RJ who is presently 8 1/2 months old. I used to teach special education, more specifically children on the spectrum. I did in-class support, self contained k-2 autism, and then early intervention for children under the age of 3 on the spectrum. I miss teaching, but I love being home with my children more than anything. The days are so long, but I am finding that the quote rings true about the years being short. Time is already flying by so quickly.

People ask me all the time what the next step is in my career, and frankly to be honest, I am not sure. I loved being a teacher, but I am not sure what I will do when RJ is a little older. In the meantime, I am hoping to blog and to continue being very involved in the schools but this time as a parent.

Each day is a gift. No day is perfect, but I do find that there is something perfect or good in every day, and I have peace knowing that I am right where I need to be. I would like to use this blog to share everything from positive quotes, MOMents that I am grateful for daily, and even money saving tips. Thank you for coming along on my journey and wishing you a great day.